0.41

我不知道真的怎么了，莫名的难过不想多说些什么。
很累的时候却不能睡，我讨厌的感觉。
或许我必须要承认我真的没办法失去你。不要说我害怕自己受伤，我并不是就你想象的那样。
但我没说。
我不怕会受伤，即使承受不了。但确实是我没有办法失去你，所以怕的让我把距离与你远扯开了。
或许你会觉得，这纯粹是我的脾气，但你不知道的是我害怕的感觉。
并不是你不在的时候我就能对谁动感情，而是你不在的时候我的不安全感会存在。
不安全感，就像是面对周遭，突然只想不停地往后退，但被逼了向前止不住。
我不想学会依赖，但是因为你我忘了这一回事。所以还要不停地提醒自己要往后退，别陷。
所以很活该的，我还是站在中间嵌进不了也没办法退后。
如果我真的觉得辛苦，就忘了我会难过。
记得自己会辛苦就好。
即使我会怕受伤，我都不想放弃了它。我在乎，我执着。
不要相信我，我不值得。
我不想吵架，我只想安静。
允许我把自己从你身边突然的拉远，我不想你的心情跟着我一样拉远，然后最后没了知觉。
很累，压力也有，因为忙了
但如果可以，我也希望的是你会这样不停的陪我。但或许做不到的是我。
我不懂得当一个女朋友，但我爱你
还是该说我爱你，但我真的不会当一个女朋友
记得你的辛苦就好，如果我继续沉默，我会没事，因为我的感觉也就这样安静了，连我自己也不知道
就盲目地走，跟着不顾虑的走下去，甚至忽略了你。
遇到问题的时候，我真的盲目了。
对于你，我真的没办法就这样的明智
这样的计划周全
甚至我说了什么，写的什么，也没有规则的下去
唯一知道的就只有我的感觉
感觉说，我是在乎你的

22 Jan 2011

Finally,I understood the add math formula.........................Really make me pek cek when I can't understand that~=.=
Still,stress like hell!=.=beh tahan orh!! X,X
I've decided something,that is I'll back to my society and organised activities as last time.
Don't know what thing has ACTIVATE me!But I really wanna do so!
Ouh yeah~I love tha concert the most~Busy but I do enjoy it!
I am such a crazy person :D
Ouh yah,yesterday went for lunch with LEE JIA YING that crazy person~
We went summer to having lunch~HMMMMmmmm~its seems not busier than last time~
If for last time,there'll be full of students after school,late for few minutes you've to stand there and wait for nor change a place to eat coz its already full!
We made order and then wait for it
As usuall,I've order an APPLE flavour bubble ice~But I really angry with something~
And I won't go there somemore............................................
It's okay she takes wrong order,but you know,she never bother that even she know she does really take wrong order !!
Aiz~just forget about it~
We're grew up guys ~Glad with that coz all things has reborn~except quarrels
Don't to believe forever in friendship,don't to believe friendship too,coz it may happens anytime and even reborn although there's  a miserable in past~
Don't to wait for it,sometimes fortunate will arrange all that.
Don't worry ;)
CNY coming soon...Not yet finish buy my cloths!!!Issshhhh!!
Can I stop my accounting tuition on the next Saturday?:p
Mom says have to go Batu Pahat~Release me from that currently please~
Feel like wanna enjoy badly!
And have to back for take my Calligraphy competition~awaiting then XD

20 Jan 11

Shit..now just finished school...
Beh tahan...~really freaking tired~
I gotta feeling...~That I AM SOOOOOOOOOO AFRAID TO GO TO SCHOOL ON EVERY THURSDAY in future...~==
Too crazy lah~lock the gate don't let us go back~
Even have to eat in school canteen too~can't go out for lunch~
Have to keep hungry until the school finished!
Hey sir!don't you think that you already too over yah???!!!!!!
Errrherrrrrrr~such a NICE experience huh!It's the first time I finished school so late and it's the first time I've know there're actually really got such way to enforced students to stay back for KOKU~
Why so''gia su''?!
Already busy on academic so still force us to join many activities what for?!
Do you ever think that we got tuition after school also?!
Feel like kena lock up!Stupid school!!
I just so bored and hot there!P/S I just wanna get my own freedom and I got tuition please don't wasting my time there and I wish to concern on academic only!
WASTE MONEY+WASTE TIME!
Isssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!
I don't like to control by others lah please~Wants us to join because others school is more success than us?
I know which school you wanna compare~I comfirm that you won't get it IDIOT PRINCIPLE.
Many homework today arhhhhgggggggggg!
Tuition for accounting later~
Sigh.........................
Such an unlucky day for me!

A sudden feeling attack to blog!

What I am worrying for since the terrible life get started?

Besides homeworks there're nothing else to go~

Yea,ready to transfer.Such a ma fan proccess indeed!

Don't know how long to go to done all the proccess,I am still waiting and patient those who rices me like a silly enough!

When my life become meaningless?

I can't let it be and go on ~

As I said I can't just let it and make it permanent but I have to change that

I deserve that coz it's my fortunate

I can't make it and making change on it as what I wanted actually

All can just change but except my SELF-TRUST

Just keep it up and non-stop

Its a only key to get successful

I need that whenever and wherever I am

I hate numbers but most like the words

But both have to keep on improve and can't depend on my own satisfylity

And for those who keep on hurt me I never please you to stop it

Just go on,seriously

I need yours words that super duper hurt to cheer me up

I will get stronger and stronger while those words deep into my mind 

Rumours?Just stay! ;)

I know I got my own flair too! :)

适应环境当中。 。 。

老实说中4的生活是的确要人命的说~~

还以为会像中3时遇到数学题就压力的哭了！但我没！哈~！

只是中4是的确没时间停止，甚至休息时间也挺有限的~

昨晚上了addition math. . .

挺好上手的~但是真的教很快的说~

呃~等着转学通知~

还需要多等个2星期~

学校不放人==

果然是间鬼学校~

气死人不饶命~

委屈死~我要上课不是要玩~

你不教我当然转~

难道教育局请你去学校坐着等领薪水吗？~！

那真的还是亏很大的说~

算了~很没眼看的说~

不教的话别来打扰我~

The Better School?!

里面乱的很！==

反正那么多人都休学~你放我走对校方来说也未必是件坏事呗~~

少交几位学生压力就少了点~

虽然我上课不说话~但反正对Better School的老师来说你有教就叫尽责~

不叫你问到明白也让他教的明白~

明不明白是你家的事反正他有教！！==

名校个头==

出那几本书又怎么样？！

会写不会叫也没什么~那干脆去当作家也别来当老师自己气自己

我不想读书读到那样的感觉浪费时间

不想把自己气死！

贿赂到缺钱~可笑又可悲的说

上课还缺桌椅~

那样辽阔的一间学校竟然半张完整的桌椅都没被我找出来~

我是来当学生读书还是你学校请来的校工？！

为了那一些桌椅要我折腾了几乎一节~

找没桌椅不让我进班？！

什么道理

就是最讨厌你们这一点~

蛮不讲理！但我忍着你！

别人上课我上课~干嘛就是我在上课的时候围了一堆找不到的东东所以浪费我的时间

我也有火告诉你

才在年头就给我一大堆的烦人事~

恶不恶心点？

要我怎么样想想即将又会发生什么事？

还有我那个妈~

不要对她乱说什么~最好放我~

家长都还真笨~

不知道你是给学校面子还是你真相信他们的鬼话~

烂校多烂人~

喜欢就buang喜欢就考一考就进了校~

你当你的学校是收容所还是垃圾回收站？

P/S : 我们不是你所谓的垃圾

看着中1生乖乖听你们说鬼话的样~

还真恨不得的说小孩们你们都被骗了~

当年的我们也是被骗的其中一批~

别把自己说得像名校~对我们来说还真的有点夸大~

考试要看pass不pass才能入校~

说得好像千载难逢的机会非常有难~

但我闭眼睛就给你考到~

被骗了一年就醒了呗~

现在这一年就更甭想我继续的呆呀呆~

少做梦！

脚是我的难道你有本事操控它？

不可能中的不可能 =）

真的很辛苦. . .

很烦很烦~

承受得了的是压力~但我不再是form3的学生了~

不要用像以为我的功课像form3生来对待我~

不简单好吗

我也会有压力的~加上还要待多这个学校这个班2个星期我也不好过

不要以为我什么都可以超出你的极限

我不想恨你但不要逼我

你自己都经历过的人还要我形容那种压力吗

对我没有你厉害~

但至少我在努力~

就算这个环境是暂时的~我也会努力去适应~

呆一天都很辛苦~两个星期~

你明白怎么过吗·

把我的补习排满我没说什么~

但不要再逼我去接受这个环境~

对不起我没有办法~

我听你们的说不要给你们惹是生非因为你们都很忙

我没有~我忍住了~

但我也有心情的好吗~

不要再怪我说如果没浪费那几个月的时间我就不会只有这样的成绩

但我也不想的，时间也不会因为我犯错所以倒退

对，我又学习自立

因为你们很忙

我需要自己打理生活上的一切

转学后我不会给你们惹什么麻烦，也会尽量的帮助自己

但请不要在我的信心建立起来要努力时再一次的伤害我

接受不了这次的成绩的不只是你，我也很伤

不要顾虑自己的感受但是我也会很失望

我不是你想的那么坚强

我不想你们担心所以所有事都往自己身上推

我也会有沮丧的时候，我不是不在乎我的进步

在我拼着读书的时候你看到吗~我可以不要你的鼓励~但是不要给我加重伤害

建立信心要很大的勇气

不要只为了你的面子着想，想过我怎么样面对别人的眼光吗

想过别人看到我的退步我会接受什么言语攻击吗

可不可以把我的失败当做经理然后更努力担不是就这样没了希望

不要在刻意的攻击我

不要每一次都说爸对弟不公平

至少他遇到问题的时候，甚至是很小的问题他都可以随时的跟你们说随时解决

随时给他最好的所有

但我没有

对很明显爸最宠我但我都不跟爸说我没想要被安慰

你明白自己一个人扛的感受吗

在我的圈子里面你要把谁断送就断送

我真的很像你得到面子的工具

除了要不停的努力得到你要的东西我什么都没有

为什么要把我搞得跟别人有差别

为什么我不可以选择我要接近的人事物

可不可以不要因为你一个人的感受所以牵涉我

我不是你的影子

我让你没面子至少还有人可以安慰你但我需要靠自己建立信心

要那么逞强的话就只能这样的跟你说

看不下去的话就别看

换来给你的是压力的话就不要管

反正你也会说成绩是我的

如果我考好也不会关你的事

你要说什么就说

我被你说惯了

我的极限你不会想象的到

彩虹的家

ASS hole~!

It's just useless to got A in English!!!!

Thought Im gonna study language?!Im not!

Know what I want??!!What I would like to way to is taking ACCOUNTING

Not Science~!!Besides forcing me to get better and better what you know somemore?!

Im not decided to being an engeenier or a doctor so tke sciece what for?crzy lah~

You'll just drop more stress on me that's why I don't even can catch up what you really want!!

There's lot of impossible on me you can't counting on~

Yes~The only one thing I agree with you was about my next education school

Thanks for decided changing it for me

But can you just don't give me such stress like pass?When I was under pressure until crying out did you ever concern that??!

What you know is just arrange lots of tuition and education class for me!

THAT IS ALL!!!!

Kay,as what you want I'll continue to study English language from college AND i'll taking Chinese!Satisfied??!!

Be good,Behave!Just in two years,i'll try my best become your bestiest girl like a silly as pass!Get more stress for myself until I can't get my own enjoyable time!Enough then?Satisfied?!

Damn hate myself!!I'm such a FAILURE girl!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[MV/HQ] Jolin Tsai 蔡依林 - 小傷口 Xiao Shang Kou

Nelly - Just A Dream

Our story doesnt a dream but truth!♥

Lala Xu 徐佳莹 - Acrophobia 惧高症 MV [HD]

Kay Tse 謝安琪 【脆弱】MV