*Pissed...* Respect please,What willing benifits you for looking down others

*Dying without knowing the causes*...................................

Work hard so that will not live suffer in the future life,and even get the higher education.

It's just nothing for only addicted to others that succeed,but not ourselves.

And it is really feeling not well while keep on looking down by others.I hate that feeling and feel like wanna scold out how pissed I am!

Now!I just wanna spread out all the temper that keep inside for so long,forgive that I can't be perspective now.

You know how suffer I'm while heard that instead of tolerate of yours' words?!It's just fucking pissed with that!Why being like this?Even people got nothing wrong also wanna looking for that to satisfy your sake that wanna get a reason for look down at one.

How's that if the person is you?I think you will go back and cry at home and don't dare to face others some more.

But it's fine and I still can eat well sleep well even study well without think about those idiot words.Don't worry those words doesn't affect me.

p/s:Besides work hard and live tough I got no other shortcut to get success nearer.

25 Feb 11

Yesterday went to T-bowl,and I tried so hard to reach there!
Coz someone really so bitchy always simply tell my dad this and that,f you really make me pissed off and I really hate you.Bring lots of trouble to me and wasting my time badly!
Think through your brain lah this is all my business and my own privacy why gossip so much!
You're not deserve to shout at me as how you want,you aren't my mom!
My mom will give me own time to have fun besides study well.*PISSED*

Forget about it.
Ouh ya,went there with Relene them and really had fun there :)
But one thing is we didn't eat the ice-cream coz the machine was spoilt.
So just have a drink call 肥皂水~
So cute of the name XD
I love their design concept so much.And those food and drink are exclusive also :)
Its outside looks pretty well like a design toilet but inside was different XD
Go and take a try guys ^^ Really not bad :)
And thanks for Relene and Mike to sent me back,really appreciate a lot =)

11 Feb 11

Such a nice day too!=)Everythings goes fine and I was agigated and sitting fine there during the lessons.
Many things appear in my head in a second.I've to ask myself why but finally I still got no answer.Time and some matters could change something and even changed ourselves.
Since when I already just let it go without any knowing,I never wonder that.
Maybe this is what's we always mention forgot a person,a special bussiness without try our best.
The most naturally way to let it go and never try to find that somemore.I like it 
I wonder something has gone,and I don't wish to refer back and my decision already made all this by now,and I won't regret on the optional that I made.I comfirm that.
I had view someone's status and I still know what you actually wanna say.
But all was already passed and will not travel back anymore.
Be happy when we're still friend that know each other,appreciate when we're just stay the best way like this.I just wish to stay like this.
If the time could really travel back and bring me back to few years ago,I won't get this start and I won't hurt someone like a silly until now the guilty still along with me.
It's better to keep our relation as friendship instead make hurts and even embarrassing lastly.
I know you mostly well as the relation as a friend,directly to interact as a friend,that is all what can I do.
At loves willing become hates deeply at last,but except you.Still can be friend.
I appreciate the friendship btw us.


P/S:
Don't know that,I'm so sickening with all about love now.
Tell me what you want actually.
I hate the way like this.better split if wanna stay this.

6 Feb 11

很想回家，不想读书的日子都呆在那里...

我宁愿妈不要那么忙，给我时间，我需要对她坦白我应该坦白的事。对。是懂了，但我想承认。

我不想看别人的脸色做人，也不想每一次被说的时候只可以忍气吞声，还要我妈为了给你一点尊敬而做得不是她自己，好的，我忍了。

只是我保姆的人，却比我妈过分。如果我忘记尊敬这一回事,我会为自己去反驳，如果我真有这选择。

阿姨说，要像你表姐一样，就大方一点的带回来。

我都知道。

但我心里面的压力真的好大...我不想为了任何人而放弃他，没人明白我多心痛。

我真的很想要为自己说句合理的话，沉默太久了。

什么新年，我比平时消沉多了。快乐也没有了。这时候的我开始沉受压力了，不需要给我多大的帮助，在我身边就好。

我不想听谁说的什么话，但我确定的是他值得我去学会勇敢面对我没办法面对的一切。

我真的想回家。我不想对着一个没有关系的人说她自己的话。但我时间做人最基本的尊重，因为我是后辈，所以忍着，所以沉默。即使心里是难受的。

有谁的心是不会受伤的，伤到自尊的时候，会流泪对吧。

妈咪说，明天最后一天了，要开学了，你还是得面对她啊。

为什么要怕她，那想过我的感觉吗，我的自尊算是什么...并不是我不想面对，而是我不想对自己没有交代，丢了自尊，更不想放弃他。知道吗，你们不知道的事他对我来说很重要。

今天迟回了。

出去以前听了妈说要回去面对现实的时候我失落了。

当时在外婆家，大家都在后面凑热闹，厅里没人，所以我一个人去了客厅。

听了那句话以后，心里很是难受。但也没办法诉苦。

有一种感觉，就是心里难受得防止眼泪流下。

我想他了，需要他。但是我尝试自己沉默的渡过了时间。给自己最大的安慰。

我说不出我是如何的难过，但我真的没办法开心起来。

我遇见他了，两分钟。

其实安慰很大，但我没办法跟你。让我一个人走走绕绕一边想你，我说不出太多的话。我心里真的很痛。

距离电影的时间很长，所以我有时间慢慢地走。反正就我一个，就不需要给予别人多大的表情。我有对你发脾气了，但让我好吗。至少我的情绪告诉你一切·我是真的再烦的。

我其实知道他是不开心。但是让我静静，我不想给予你敷衍。

我的眼泪从下午忍到了电影开始不久不这样的不受控制了。

看的是喜剧，但我却流泪了。并非我一个人的原因。

照常投入电影，但我还是流泪了，想办法掩饰了。但到了最后我真的没办法。心里真的好难过。

我开始胡思乱想，今天会不会是我最后一次看到他了。那天去的海边，看的电影会不会是最后一场了。他说过还要去不同的海边，但是不是就是最后一次了.

内心在不停地跟自己说话，想最坏的结果，然后想正面的办法。

手机来不及充电就出了门。

一个人坐在座位上，流泪的时候突然冲动的发了信息给他。

决定隐藏自己最难过的一切，然后我跟他说，你值得我去做我没办法办到的事。

因为他，我会勇敢一点，坚强一点。

我心里压抑的感觉，但我告诉自己，因为他值得，所以我要坚持从开始到现在没改变的一切，累积的一切。如果真的被说得再怎么过分，要记得他一直都在，不会离开，所以要忍着眼泪别哭，他说要忍着脾气，所以我不发脾气。我都明白，因为他值得。

心好痛。在厕所里呆了好久，终于能一个人的哭泣。学会勇敢的同时，想起他我真的害怕。

每当跟你看完一场电影的时候，出去是的心情都是一样的平静，微笑着·

但这一次不同了。失落的离开，像刚看完悲剧。沉得我不知道该说什么。

现在你生气了，对不起迟回家让你担心了。

平时我会发你脾气，但现在我发不出脾气，让你气我。都发在我身上，总好过你难过。

从在一起开始，我唯一希望的就只是不要把他从我身边调走，我答应会珍惜他。因为我真的爱他。

CNY、Most happy CELEBRATION for me in a year =)

我期待好久的日子来了，但我一点都不觉得有什么好开心的。

本来就好好没事了啊、为什么一定要在这个时候来了那么多的事。

我的忍耐是有限制的，不要白那个脸色给我看，到我忍不住的时候就别怪我。我是认真的再说。

年一过，或许就来个大突破了。

选择给自己最大的安慰的那一刻，就应该要知道不能停止，受其害怕接着走。

面临欺骗的那一刻，就应该要知道免了对别人的信任，加持对自己的信任。

受伤的那一刻，都知道要坚强了。

这一年要很充实。只要什么事都往好的方面去想，不害怕的实践一切，是没办法退步的。

始终坚持的东西，免了心机吧孩子。

玩不起就罢了，但那真的不需要。

太过的幼稚，太过的天真，也浪费时间。

我很累。

每一次没有事情就突然不开心了起来。明明就好好的，就没事的。

但是就没有原因的，我也不想回了。如果那会导致越闹越严重的话。

不知道什么时候开始，对于感情这回事，我没有想要吵架的念头。

并不是没有脾气，但我找不到那兴致。更找不到吵下去的理由。

当这一刻来临的时候，拿起电话但我下不了手给予你任何的回复。我想让它就安静的渡过这一晚，在我醒来以后或许也就没事了吧。

并非逃避，是因为这个问题没有答案。

就很突然的发生，然后你一句我一句，没完没了。

如果可以，我想就这样无理取闹，闹脾气。

但问题是我闹不起来了，反而安静了。

我不想在乎这门安静了。

感情，平静就好。

2 Feb 11

We're just fine last Sunday,hung for a day,talked until I don't wish to turn back to my normal life.
And we're still fine yesterday night.
I love to end the day by you accompany me to talk until I can falled asleep tightly.
I dreamed,and I got nothing to worry until I was awake.
But again,as last few weeks.
Again about nonsence.
Actualy there're nothing to discuss somemore but why do everytime the problem keep pop out
I don't understand that.
That feeling is worst than a split.
I feel like wanna avoid from text you somemore if got nothing special matter.
I'm affraid of it.
Stop all that.
Feel so empty.We aren't anything

1 Feb 11

Maybe I'm used to wake up early in the morning and prepare to go to school,so I still did that on last Sunday,I mean the day before today.
Maybe I'm just too stressful.
I'm so awaiting for every holidays(who don't?==),coz I can relax as how I wanted,but since the holiday get start,I will imagine how's the day after the end of holiday.
Study is the greatest thing but why I felt a little bit sickening of it?==
Tired + Stressful everyday,my head will duty on time everyday---->Ouch.My headache starts on time,just alike as my scedule.Never miss.
Forgive on my lazyness,I need to take a rest sometimes.Hmm...
Anyway,I still love that,my life,especially my schoolife.
Hey dudes,I miss you all badly. Seems like long time no see?Hmm,think so...
Still have to remind one thing,that is stop to mortify others,is it seem very difficult to make it?
Hey don' you have your own dignity?What if others do the same thing that you've did on her?
If I feel that as her,I am ensure that I will feel so hurt too,as her.
Beauty of a girl doen't depends on the figure that she carries,but just make one simple thing,stop her vulgar as she can.
Ouh,I met two men during my way to find my dear.
They've asked me about where can find a MAYBANK//CIMB atm.
It's just fine,I can lend you a help and just tell you the way.
But they're just shit!!Don't get so close to me lah!I hate that so much okay!And I don't even know both of you!!
Just less one step!!If you get more closer to me,I swear that I'll KICK seii you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't you see I nearly get mad?Don't know whether is I don't show my emotion obviously or you really idiot until you never wonder that I'm almost get mad,you never keep your distance further but further instead!
Dear says this is such a nice way to seduce girl also!Sweet~aha~==
Just forget about it.
Warn yourself,don't to get mad easily on those small matter,if its effect isn't that great but you spread your temper on it,it's just nothing and you'll regret on it someday.Anger brings nothing,but surely lost something in life.That is why regrets appear.
Just make a thing easy come easy go,or else try to enjoy it,coz that's a part of life also.


Seriously,I really cnt stop my jealousy on you.
I can just let everything go easily but I can't make it on you.
I can't explain to you how is my jealousy but its really feel so hard,suffer exactly.
Yes,I admit that.
I did jealous on a girl that younger than me about 3 or 4 years.
I did that without my self-control.I'm out of my own control,obviously.
I think you will think back what I had tell you yesterday
I said,no matter how mature of a person is,he/she will still spread jealousy on you if he/she do love you.
Get it?


What he brings for me is the most valuable,memoriable,and even priceless for me.
I was falling deeply,madly,permanently on him.
Yes I do love him,always.

30 Jan 11

我开学以来最开心的一天。

跟以往一样很累，但没压力，没东西烦（其实我也忘了要烦什么）

真的是很奇怪的，每一次在外面的时候我的头脑都空空没有东西烦，是enjoy到要命地说。

怎么知道一到家online,烦恼就冲着我来。有时想要不online，可是没有facebook我会死到很惨~它是我在家里唯一的娱乐~lol

还有看到我朋友们的post有点emo~我也不知道为什么emo去了~


今天的天气是冷到要命~水像很冰那样~冷死我=口=

不要再逼我吃东西了~虽然我要瘦容易但是要肥更容易！==我不要想放假的时候那样~==

我发现一样东西很久很久了。

就是有一些人，特别是女孩子，不知道是kepo还是没有看过人类这类型的生物，特别喜欢死盯着别人目不转睛，好，看就罢了，但嘴巴就是另外一回事。

有谁可以跟我说为什么？==

一进到去Old Town，几个女孩子就从头盯到尾，拜托，我纯粹是要等人啊~而且那试着不去理会+当作看不见的滋味很是难受！等时间过就算了，还要忍住看不到她们~

小姐，请问你是我，是不是会不自在呢？

这营造我的不安全感，很想找个洞钻进去！我是认真的。

啧~==

回到家的时候看到被加进一个Group~有点想笑的感觉 XD

 吶~就是这个咯~

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/WE-Hate-the-Tay-Siew-Bee-zheng-xiu-mei-KNS-Nooby-GAL/132083333524428 

 我有种无奈的感觉因为很莫名地说~赫赫~

不能公开那group~因为进去了会有点乱~

一进去看的时候~每个骂到乱

其实我还觉得蛮幼稚的。懂的人应该知道我在说谁。

拜托。不是lower form 的学生了。有必要每天都写这些东西来对别人人身攻击吗？

加上是女孩子，别开口闭口都是粗话连篇。

我真想block了她。

每一个人都很平等，掉高架子来卖但是是这样的糟有什么用。

 就这样一句话

如果她会思考会想，就不会写这些东西。

虽然对她个人来说是种发泄，可以不顾虑人家的感受。

但请相信一样不变的事实。

有一天会轮到自己。

就是这样邪门（我试过，怕了==）

不喜欢她的话，就别来往，没人逼你参她。就是这样简单。

做人流一线日后好相见。

没必要做到那样吧~虽然她真的的确那样。但这样人家是蛮难翻身的。

也留个退路给人家吧？

再怎么说，她也是有自尊的一个人。

她跟我同一家补习。每次找李阿lui讲话~JY JIA~我懂你很无奈 XD

笑死我了那表情~还有她应酬她的那副样子~我憋不久了！！

救命！

我不爽一样东西罢了~就是我听课的时候她会趁这个时候找JY 问东问西

我到底是在听Mr Han讲课还是听她讲话~气死我了~我有种念头想叫她安静~憋久了对心脏不好。

庆幸地说，我没有这样的基因。

啊。

说到思想。

今天中一句话气到了一下，所以我决定做超过我年龄的事。哈~

给人家讲还小的感觉~是无奈的==

没办法，生活就是要体验多了才知道~给我跌多几次吧~

我心理准备都做好了。

今天去了OLD TOWN，with Joycelyn.

不知道为什么，每一次见了朋友以后，心情会好很多，维持在最佳状态很久。

那一份喜悦真没办法叙述。

用最单纯的心去交朋友吧，朋友并不是拿来利用的，也不是衬托你的配角。

记得人有自尊。别糟蹋。

p/s

最近读书有点傻去了。把自己搞得有点像机器人。

==

呃。

就这样吧。

我们都附上全部的信任于对方，但是条件就是给予彼此不变的一切。

如果读过了所有的危机，那就继续拥有共同的幸福。

其实因为有彼此，其他人的话并给不了多大的影响，若定力足够。

其实那并不是件难事。

29 Jan 11

Just went back from BP,tired seii arh!!

I was so regret went there,all clothes quality is asame as KL and Malacca but the price is double even triple higher than here.Obsulately not exclusive.So I just got a jeans a cloth and the sport shoes.I love that the most among all items.I mean the shoes.
I've sleep for whole day.Until 5am+just wake up.
Now I really wish don't to stay here first and better come back after few days.
Since I was back sure got something happened and to solved.Nonsences thing and I wish to just let it you know.
Seriously,don't make me feel sickening if not I really won't regret on what I did.I never wonder that but maybe I'll to be.arrgghhhhh!Really damn pek cek 1~

And one thing again about my relationship,again.
Still,I don't know what's going on.
Maybe I really never learnt how to treat one guy good but hurt.
I don't wish to see the matter had happened in pass now is hapenning in the same situation again.
Tired of that.Seriously.
I didn't bring along those thing,but what's now happening remind me all that.
I hate all that make me suffring everyday.
Thus,go on.

Forget about it.
Willing go old town with Joyce later =)

28 Jan 11

Have to go Batu Pahat tomorrow for shop ...
Finally I can buy my clothes enough already,and stop tuition currently.
And mom says those book don't need to buy first coz CNY coming soon!HAHA!
This's the first time she treats me that kind..! XD
Ya still.We must remind ourselves wherever we are.
Don't to care about those things which are not involved us.
Consiquence really may be serious.
It's just fine if you're able to help,but what if you're just not obey as what you wanted?
Seriously,it will really affect lots of thing on ourselves.
And don't to spread temper on others even how moody we are,even we have our own character but just don't simply spread those temper,they're really just innocent enough coz didn't offened us.
Anyway just stay happy and live happy =)
Smiles is the only one world language and even the best language to interact with others =)
P/s
He's my one,and even what matter was happened betwwen us,that is our bussiness but not others'.Anyones feel fed up can just close his/her naked eyes,I don't need those rubbish comments.That's our being,and our feeling,our problems also,is it make others' fed up?If do,sorry,but that's still our bussiness.And don't even gossip amd make our argueness as topic and fun to entertaint own life.

I really don't know what are you thinking..
Asked me how am I recently,I think I already miss old days,when we're just friends.Just like,but won't hurt you so long as now.
Tell me what are you thinking in fact,how's your feel?
Haiz..
So sorry that I'm just too busy with anything in school and others lessons,tuition also.And I'm just tired,sorry for that...
I just feel that I don't deserve to love you,always.
Coz I always don't have that time to accompany you,even never leave a time for you.
I always let you alone..
I just hope that don't us argue sommore.
I just wanna appreciate this holiday before its end,I just hope that I can be with you when I'm just free.
Sorry for every faults that I've done.

27 Jan 11

I've went back to society today!
iuu~I miss all of my friends so much,I love yours'  jokes!Don't need to care about my image while making funny with you guys!hahahaha!!
Hmm,I just realised that I got lots of work after back to Society.Thanks for your ideal Zhao Lun =)
I really appreciate that =)
Who else can give me any ideas  about the decoration of my Board??I need it!Urgent!!
Just too many works today,I can't even finish those works on time.Many things have to delayed!
Denis asks me go for the rumah sukan somemore!!
I asked him:huh!!???!meeting will be end on 3.30 you know!!Have to go for that afterwards arh!!No more peoples to joined meh???!!!!
Issshhhhh!!!It's just tooooooooooooooooooooooooo RUSH!!!!
On everything!
I just keep on looked at my watch,I was waiting the time to pass through faster and faster!
I didn't sleep yesterday and just straight away went for school,until now,I not yet take a nap-.-
As my life goes busier as the more challenge I could be make it.I'm just trying my best,although there're really stressful,but I just love the way I live for my own life ! XD
Puan Ong says Chinese period will be start by tomorrow after school,I'm wait that for so long - -
Finally it gonna start!!If not my mom will keep complaint about that,annoying to listen to her nonsences==
But one thing is I'm still not yet decide whether wanna go to school tomorrow or hang out to Batu Pahat????
Confusing..................................................
Hmmmmmm,lastly want to say that is just try our own best to don't care about others' bussiness,coz it will really bring more problems to our own,and just insist the way we are,its affect our path in front,seriosly.

25 Jan 11

Every Sunday until Tuesday I sure get not enough sleep~
Luckily all quitely important lessons aren't in This two day but except accounting,I can rest more whne I feel tired...
Really beh tahan!Luckily En Seri didn't attent the lesson today!I rest for around 1 period!XD
But my class is just too noisy,always.
Mr Siew taught 5A2 Moden math,he's just over tthere.
Those guys in my class is always out of control~make my class seems like a market and cause Mr Siew come towards and scolds us,whole class kena~
Today was the second time he scolded us in this month,this time nearly punish to stand over the field.I ever tried that last year,with my friends,coz didn't out for reccess.
It's just fine for me to stand I just affraid to the sunlight.It makes my skin get burn!
I start to love my class!I'm just so happy here to having fun with you guys everyday!hahax..~
En Adlee has give us lot of homework and he read those sentences fast!We can't even catch up~
3 essays in a day~have to pass up on day also!oh my god...~I'm just stress! 
All is just busy doing homework,ouch I love that!XD
And Perdagangan also!There's lots of note in Perdagangan!
Aleen moves to sit besides Syaharah during Perdagangan ~And then Mittren moves beside me~
I asked him : Why move to here ??You can't read the words arh??
And then he answered me : No lah GANGGU sana!Tak boleh concerntrate!
Ouch!My hand really gonna break~copy lots of it until I got no energy to write somemore~PENAT ....~
Jia Rong asked me : Why you so quiet arh?Aleen!See~Heng Yee isn't 38 like you !
Then I said : Cheh!You not yet see when I become 38 leah!It will be frighten you!
Issh~she don't know that lah!
Only Lui and Aleen know that I don't like to talk when doing my work,that's why they say I'm just like kayu!Very bah!

Back to the issue on my recent life  ..
Somethings on my friendship and relationship..
I hate jealosy between friends,why do?Haiz..T T
And I've changed,for those who I don't care,I will not realised you are there.That's all.
And the most sickening is my REALATIONSHIP...
I will stop to think that from today
Even I'm just tired and stress,but I won't mention what else somemore.
It's just the best for me to keep quiet and that's all,don't to ask why,and whatever who wanna gives any comment on this thing,I'll just ignore that.
I don't need anyones to consule me,just let it to you.
I know you'r just sufer and tired.
I won't ask for split easily.But just as your friend says you already tired.
I feel that I'm not deserve to be with you.
3months,I don't to wish just end it,I'm not sactify
I wish to last long..
But if you're really tired,please just give up..
I don't wish you're that suffer with me.
Leave me here,and find for the one who can just gives you happiness not miserable.
I really don't deserve.
You tired,you suffer
But there're just more stress on me also,you never know that.
Don't ask me why,I've told you I'm just unsecure
You aren't beside me,I do really affraid I'll lost you suddenly without any reason.
Otherwise I face the sea,if not the feeling of unsecure is still there.
I need you.
It's just painful when I'm facing stress,instead of see you are tired of all of these,and me.
You aren't mine in fact,you should be others'
I never tell you when I'm sad,coz I don't wish to bring more annoyed things for you.
Don't think that I'm strong enough,facing you I can't be,unable to be.
I'm missing you,but there's a distance on our mind.
I really don 't know what should I do on next.........